Sarcastic Remarks to get you through the day

- And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be?
- Do I look like a fucking people person?
- This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I started out with nothing, and still have most of it left.
- I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- You!... Off my planet!
- Does you train of thought have a caboose?
- Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
- A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
- A PBS mind in an MTV world.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
- Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
- I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
- I have a computer, a vibrator, and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
- Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
- It ain't the size, it's...no, it's the size.
- A woman's favorite position is CEO.
- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Stress is when you wake up screaming and then realize that you haven't fallen asleep yet.
- Can I trade this job for what's behind door number one?
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
- Okay, okay, I take it back. UnFuck you!
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
- Nice perfume, must you marinate in it?
- Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
- And which dwarf are you?
- How do I set the laser printer to stun?