I love my master;       Thus I perfume myself with            This long rotten squirrel. Today I sniffed       Many dog butts - I celebrate            By kissing your face. Sleeping here, my chin on       Your foot - no greater bliss, well,            Maybe catching rats. You may call them fleas       But they are far more - I call            Them a vocation. I am your best friend;       Now, always, and especially            When you are eating. The cat is not all       Bad - she fills the litter box            With Tootsie Rolls.

I lie belly-up       In the sunshine, happier than            You ever will be. I lift my leg and       Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot            Sniff this and weep. My human is home!       I am so ecstatic I have            Made a puddle. Dig under fence - why?       Because it's there. Because it's            There. Because it's there. Look in my eyes and       Deny it. No human could love            You as much as I do. My owners' mood is       Romantic - I lie near their            Feet. I fart a big one.